Awesome Site Award

I was given this award by Channel of Healing. It was given to her by Hwy 77 and she has past it on. Channel of Healing is so encouraging to me. She, always, gives me words that keep me going. Thank you Channel of Healing, you are the best.

I pass this award on to:

A Homesteading Neophyte

Only In His Service

Sunny's Blog

Shea's Cool Little Art Blog

The Light in the Woods

Thoughts along the
Way

Love Lost

This is hard to write. My spirit is sad and angry that we live in a fallen world. That we watch, so many times, as the sins of this world hurt those we love and that, at times, our lot in life is hard.

The baby was born. Mom did good. She labored for five days, but finally her water broke early Sunday morning and we went to the hospital.

I was holding her leg up to her chest, helping her push, when little Pearce emerged. But, 10 seconds prior to that, I heard, from the monitors, that his heart had stopped. The doctor said to the staff, "we had better do something about that". I looked at mom, but she had not heard the beat of that tiny heart stop.

The doctor did his work and out popped a head. There was no waiting for that last push to get the shoulders out, the doctor just pulled. I heard a faint whimper from the baby and was relieved. But, when I looked at him, his arms fell to his side and I noticed that his hands were swollen to at least three times what they should be.

Hospital staff, from the neonatal unit, ran into the room and took over the baby. A camera was thrown to me to take pictures of them working on the baby. No one except myself and staff understood what was happening. I took those picture, afraid that if I did not, there may not be another time to do this.

He was not breathing, I watched as they rubbed his chest back and forth. Every once in a while, you could hear him give a small cry. They worked for what seemed like an eternity.

Finally, a doctor treating little Pearce, came to the mom's bed and told her a bit of what was happening. She stated that he was not breathing well on his own and they were going to have to take him to the ICU and watch him.

After a few hours we got some of the answers we needed to hear. He can not breath on his own. This may get better. He had a bowl movement before birth, so they did a chest xray and found his heart is enlarged. He has no use in his arms. Does not and can not move them. His head is very bruised, I was not alarmed at this, but the doctor said it was more than most babies.

Am echo was done on his heart, but all that was said, before I left, was that "nothing significant was found." I would suppose that this means that they did find something.

What should be, one of the happiest days of your life, turns out to be one of the saddest. The twists and turns of life can be so devastating. The impact of what the doctors were saying seemed to be lost to the mom. Her response was matter of factual. She does not get it yet.

I sat and talked with her to try and get her to understand, but she had closed her mind to the truth and being young was lost in self. I thought that that maternal instinct would get in and she would worry and want to be with her child. But, that did not occur. Mom was not a home.

It all seem so surreal to me. I, as a mother, was broken. I, as a therapist, was concerned. It is rare for a new mother to not want to look upon her new baby, and just stare at the child. To not feel overwhelmed with the love that comes from the birth of a child. But, this mom felt none of that, she was concerned about self.

I tried to reach her, I tried to encourage her to pray for her child. But, she just said "ok" without a worry in the world.

What is missing in this young woman? The most basic instinct of motherhood is lacking. To watch this was unstabling. I felt bewildered by what I was seeing. I did not expect this from mom and became concerned about the welfare of the child, if he lives. What kind of upbringing will he have? No bonding, no love, no concern. Is this what we are coming to, a society that brings people into this world not children.
How many more are being brought into this world without love?

This is not a situation where mom's reaction to birth is depression or disassociation, it was pure selfishness. A me me situation. As this baby struggles to live, mom is saying "I feel better now." "Wow, I have a stomach again." "Good job Doc." "Can I eat now." "Let me use my cell phone". Not one question about or concern about the child.

The father of this child was traveling from another state to be there when the child was born. Mom called him, while he was in route, to tell him of the birth. He was angry that she had had the baby before he got there. I told her to tell him that the baby was at risk and his response was "Why did you have him before I got there". Mom and Dad are the same. Me, Me, Me.

Fear for our world settled in on me. These two parents see their child as a toy and now that the toy is broken, rejection sets in. They will not be playing dress up with this child anytime soon, so they will go on and leave the child, more than likely with Grandma.

I spoke, a lot, with Grandma yesterday, and after watching all this she knows that she will probably be the one bonding with and raising this child. Praise God for Grandmothers. As unfair as it may seem to Grandma, at least, this grandma is willing to love. Her lot in life is hard, but she knows that she has enough love in her to share with and raise up a baby at risk.

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Now playing: Doug McClure - Worthy
via FoxyTunes

Birth

Well....NO baby yet.

We went to the hospital when her contractions got to 4 minutes and the contractions are not doing much of anything. So, she is still waiting. I, on the other hand, am tired.

At the hospital, I was reminded of the birth of my daughter. I had all, but one, of my children naturally. I have 4 children.

Side note: One of my children weight 12 pounds. All women are freaking out, right now, as the read that one.

My daughter weight 9 something. Delivery was difficult. Her head would not give and I struggled with an hour of pushing. Finally, a bay girl. In recovery, I started to bleed and my blood pressure dropped to 40/20.

I can remember that the student nurse sitting next to me, knew this before I did. She ran out of the room yelling a name. Several people ran in and went to work. No one said anything to me they just were in a panic.

The head of my bad fell flat and when it did...I felt what was happening. I could feel life leaving my body. I started to loose consciousness but, refused to do so. I felt if I did, I would die. So, awake I stayed. Mean time the hospital staff worked.

I kept my focus on staying awake. But, that was, at times, difficult. My veins had collapsed and the digging, with needles, in various parts of my body was painful. Over and over again they tried to find a vein with no luck. I was practicing my Lamaze breathing method to endure the pain.

Still, I focused on staying alive. I was so weak, that I could not lift my arms. I would even find myself not breathing and would have to remind my self to take a breath. Finally, they called in someone special. I can not remember exactly what he specialized in, but he was some specialized nurse.

He came into the room and everyone stepped aside. All conversation stopped and I felt as if I was at the mercy of whatever this man had in mind. I watched his face as he went to work. He did not say one word to me. He just came up to me and picked up my arm. He drove a needle into my arm and I yelped. It felt like the needle had hit my bone. Then he laid my arm down and left the room. The staff got back to work. Needle inserted.

One of my thoughts, while all this was going on, was "I suppose that some women still die during child birth". So, I focused.

Did you notice anything about this story that was missing? I'll give you a minute to think.

Times up. GOD is missing.

I was an atheist at the time. After I recovered, I was so very proud of myself for not showing weakness and calling out to a God for mercy. For not making some promise to a God if my life was spared.

When I think back on it now, I am so very grateful to God Almighty for sparing such a wretch as myself from death.

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"

Are we not grateful that He knows our future. I was happy and sure that I was going to stay an atheist. Never would I have imagined that God would catch me and change me to my very core. If it were not for those plans, I may not have been here today. I may have passed on that very day and be eternally at the mercy of Satan. What a frightening thought.

It took a long time before I came to God. My daughter was grown before I accepted that God existed. But, I did and I am rejoice at the knowledge that God, the living God, loves me.

Thank you God for your salvation, your redemption, your patience, your love.

The Baby is Coming

Not posting today. I will be assisting in the birth of a new baby. I think. I have been sitting with this young pregnant woman since 4:00 yesterday, timing her contractions. We are getting close. But, still sitting and waiting. Little guy is taking his time.

Gone Political

This is not a political blog but, I have been political since I was 18. I became involved during the Vietnam war and found it fascinating. I was an activist in my early years and have that itch again.

Oh, I'm sure I will not go back to carrying a poster that reads something outrageous, but I feel that "we the people" need to do something, because our vote seems to mean nothing anymore.

I have this conflict inside of me that started when I became a Christian. I have been taught that God puts into office whom He wants in office.

Daniel 4:17
"This sentence is by the decree of the angelic watchers And the decision is a command of the holy ones, In order that the living may know That the Most High is ruler over the realm of mankind, And bestows it on whom He wishes And sets over it the lowliest of men."

Romans 13:1
Every person must be subject to the governing authorities, for no authority exists except by God's permission. The existing authorities have been established by God.

These verses, certainly seems to state that God does put into office His choice of men. So, does this mean that if Obama becomes President that he is God's choice. Should I not be concerned about this happening.

When I look at those verses I see words like "wishes" and "existing", so in that I believe that God, when He needs to or wants to or has to have a certain someone in office to fulfill a prophesy, then He moves to put that someone in office.

That aside, I am going to get radical. We the people need to do something to stop the decay, decline, destruction of our country. We sit back and watch as a handful of men decide our fate and then complain about the outcome. Some say "I voted them in, I'll vote them out". That might work, if more people voted.

I can remember, as a young college student, sitting around discussing revolution. Well, there was a social revolution, that did cause change. Not necessarily good change, but there was change. The people of the United States do not seem to have that kind of energy anymore. They would rather watch than participate in the changing of their country.

I am very concerned. Are we watching the death of a nation. Do we not try and save what we love? Or are we so ashamed of what we have become that we hide our heads in the sand not wanting to see the results of what we have created nor its demise.

Scottish history professor Alexander Tyler wrote around 1887:

�A democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government. It can only exist until the voters discover that they can vote themselves largesse (generous gifts) from the public treasury. From that moment on, the majority always votes for the candidates promising the most benefits from the public treasury, with the result that a democracy always collapses over loose fiscal policy� which he says �is always followed by a dictatorship.�

Obama is in the right place at the right time, if you believe what Tyler wrote. He is a socialist. No doubt. In my day he would have been referred to has a "pinko commie pig". Excuse my language. For myself, I do not care how lowly we have become, how disrespectful, economically strapped nor religiously depraved, Obama and socialism is not the answer.

We have become a decadent society. We, the people, can either take back what is rightfully ours or we can continue to sit and watch as judges and other people in high places, dictate to us what it is they suppose we need and want.

I want to scream "revolt people, revolt". But, my screams would fall on deaf ears. For most of America as learned to see not evil, hear not evil but as for speaking no evil, that has become a matter of interpretation. That interpretation will soon be in the hands of Obama who is already interpreting what we can and can not say by his mandate of "you will not use my first name, you will not talk of my wife" etc. Just another example of his socialist agenda and dictatorship.

Am I rambling? You bet I am. Why? Because, "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore". When the prophets ask "where is the United States in the end times" ...well is it not obvious, we are no longer of any importance. We are downtrodden, heavy laden and suppressed by the powers that be.

I am not a happy camper.