Repentance

This last weekend I was asked to get a prophetic team together and prophesy over some women going through a class. I could not use my existing team because some of them were in the class. So, I got together three other women and we spent the day in prayer over this class.

It went well. We flowed together well and experienced the Lord all day. The Holy Spirit spoke through us and many had revelation.

There was, however, one women with whom everything was different. She caused me to feel humble around her because of the way she carried God. She was so close to Him that you felt Him in her presence. She is from Africa and her and her husband had pastored a church, like mine. in a small town in Kansas. They are church planters.

We ministered to her, but when we went to pray for her, she looked at me and said "it is you". She shared that lately God would give her a vision of someone and she could feel what was going on with that person. She told me that I was empty inside and very lonely.

When she said this I could suddenly feel this great loneliness inside of me. It was huge. One of those, in the room, suggested it was because my mother had just died. This could be. But, I thought it was because every Christian sensitive that I know is alone. This started quit the conversation. Everyone identified, that even in a grounded room you are alone.

Then she said that she could see God putting blocks of wood into a glass inside of me and as soon as it was full, He pulled a block out of the bottom. I said that this reminded me of every time I get close to someone, God pulls that person away. I know that He does this so that I will go to Him not someone else. All the women in the room agreed with this as well. But, is this what God was saying to me.

It is rare for me to get a word from someone. I was told that I do not get words from others because I already hear from God. So, for me to get a word from someone is unique and I need to pay attention. So, what could it mean.

The word weighs on me. I think about it a lot. Waiting for revelation. Sunday we took communion. My husband and I take it together. At our church you go up and get your bread and juice then take it back to your seat. So, my husband and I share with each other what is on our minds, or what we need to repent from etc. Well, my husband starts talking about all he has no needs that have not been met by God. All of the sudden, I was struck by revelation and began to cry.

The Lord showed me that I am never satisfied. That I have acquired a need to have stuff. My stuff has become more important to me than should be. It is not any thing of any substance, just stuff. I repented with great sadness and went to the altar to worship.

After church, I began to think about what the woman had said to me and try to find if this new revelation had any part in it. I can see were in part it does. It speaks to the loneliness. Trying to fill the void with stuff. The void, more than likely, is the death of my mother and I am trying to fill it with things other than God. But, when I look at the glass with blocks in it, it does not seem to work out.

Does God fill my class and then take out from the bottom. Does my dissatisfied state of being cause me to some how interfere with the gifts that God is giving. I can not see this is the revelation. So, as for now, I do not have understanding of the vision.

I confess, to you dear reader, that I have been looking to values other than God to satisfy my loss of my mother. I praise God for revealing this to me because I was certainly blind to this fact. But, no excuse, I did not take the time to search myself for those things that lie deep within myself that destroy instead of build up. So, in repentance, I turn my back on this sin and walk forward to the love of God over my spirit and find all my needs met in Him.