TIME IS FAST RUNNING OUT (Victoria Nehale)

I was born and lived in Namibia all my life and surrendered my life to Jesus on February 06, 2005. The Lord Jesus Christ has revealed many things in the spiritual realm to me including a couple of trips to hell. The Lord instructed me to share my experiences with the people; He also warned me not to add anything or omit anything from whatever the Lord Jesus Christ showed or told me. By the time of the writing of this book, end of 2006, I was visited 33 times by the Lord Jesus Christ. Every single time of those visitations, the Lord would tell me before leaving that: TIME IS FAST RUNNING OUT.

First trip to hell

On the weekend of 23 July 2005, I took a thirty-minute taxi ride from the town of Ondangwa where I work and stay, to my home village, to spend the weekend with my parents. On my way home, I had a feeling that something extraordinary was going to happen that evening. I arrived home at around 18H00 and that was the time people were preparing for dinner. I was in the kitchen with the rest of my family, lying down on an old sheet on the ground, while my little nieces and nephews were singing their Sunday School songs. Suddenly I felt a heavy anointing come upon me, my body became very weak, and I was out under the power of God. I saw a man, wearing a long white robe tied with a rope of the same color, walking towards where I was lying. There was a brilliant light around Him as though it were radiating from Him. He was wearing brown sandals; His features were like people from the Middle East, with a beautiful tanned skin. His face was very kind and full of glory but I was unable to look Him in the eyes. When He spoke, His voice was tender, kind and loving, yet authoritative; waves of love were emanating from His very being.

He extended His hand to me and pulled me up from where I was lying. Suddenly I was in a beautiful, transformed body; I looked the same as I was when I was eighteen years old. I was wearing a white robe tied with a white rope. Although my robe was white, the material was different from the man's robe. His robe was silky with a brilliance that I do not know how to describe.

He said, in a most loving and tender voice: "Victoria, I want you to come with me; I will show you frightening things and I am taking you to a place where you have never been before in your whole life". He held my right hand and we went. I felt as if we were walking on air and we were ascending all the time. After a while on the way, I was very tired and told Him that I was unable to continue the journey and begged Him to allow me to go back. However, He looked at me tenderly and said, "You are not tired - you are fine. If you get tired, I will carry you, but for now you are fine. Peace be with you. Let us go."

The place at which we arrived was very arid, worse than the worst desert known to man, with no sign of life in any form whatsoever. There was not a single tree or blade of grass or any living thing in sight. It was a very depressing place indeed.

We came to a gate and the man turned to me and said: "Victoria, we will enter through the gate and the things you will see will frighten and upset you - but you must rest assured that wherever I take you, you will be well protected. Just open your eyes and observe everything I will show you." I was terrified and started to weep. I was protesting and pleaded with the man to take me back. I told Him that I did not want to go into that place because I could see through the gate what was going on inside. He looked at me and said, "Peace be with you; I am with you. We must go inside, for time is fast running out."

We entered through the gate. I cannot describe to you the horror of that place. I am convinced that there is no other place in the entire universe as bad as that place. The place was extremely large and I had the sense that it was expanding all the time. It was a place of utmost darkness and the heat of it could not be measured: it was hotter than the hottest of fires. I could not see any flames of fire or the source of the heat but it was HOT. The place was filled with flies of all sizes - green, black, and grey flies. Every conceivable kind of fly was there. In addition, there were also short, thick, black worms everywhere, climbing on everything. The worms started to climb on us and the flies were also all over us. The place was filled with the most disgusting stench; there are no words to describe the intensity of the stench in that place. The smell was almost like rotten meat but was a hundred times worse than the most decaying meat I have ever smelled in my entire life. The place was filled with the noise of wailing and gnashing of teeth, as well as of demonic, evil laughter.

The worst thing about this place is that it was filled with people. There were so many people that they could not be numbered. The people were in the form of skeletons. I can say with confidence that these skeletons were humans because I recognized some of my very close relatives and people from my village. Their bones were dark grey and extremely dry. They had long sharp teeth like wild animals. Their mouths were large and wide and their tongues were long and bright red. Their hands and feet had long, thin toes and fingers with long, sharp nails. Some of them had tails and horns.

There were demons mingling with the people: the demons in appearance looked like alligators and they were walking on four legs. They were comfortable in that environment and were constantly teasing and tormenting the humans. The noise that the demons were making was more like a celebration, as they seemed happy and carefree; they were also dancing and jumping all the time. The humans, on the other hand, looked miserable and depressed; they were in a state of helplessness and hopelessness. The noise from humans was caused by pain; they were weeping, screaming and gnashing their teeth, and were in a desperate situation of unimaginable pain and agony.

The people in this place, were innumerable but I could clearly see that the vast majority of them were women. They were divided into many different groups. Even if they were in the groups, it was not possible to estimate the number of people in any single group because the groups were extremely large.

The man led me to one of the groups on the eastern side of the place. He looked at me and said: "Victoria, this is a group of people who refused to forgive others. I told them many times in many different ways to forgive others but they rejected me; I have forgiven them all their sins but they refused to forgive others. Their time ran out and they found themselves here. They will be here for all eternity; they are eating the fruits of their labor for ever and ever. However, it is painful for me to see them in this horrible place and in this eternal situation - because I love them."

I was then led to the next group, and the man told me that the people in the second group were those who had debts. There were three different categories in that group. The first category was of people who owed to others: they could afford to pay their dues but they kept postponing and procrastinating. They would claim that they would pay tomorrow, next week, next year, until the time ran out for them and now they had found themselves in this place. This is where they will stay forever; they are eating the fruits of their labor.

The second category was of those who had debts that they could afford to pay back and they were willing to pay their debts, but they were afraid of the consequences because, perhaps, if they told the truth they might suffer rejection or they might go to jail or what they had done would be made known to the whole world and they would be humiliated. The man said: "None of them came to me to ask me for a way. If they had done so, I would have shown them the easy way out. They used their own wisdom and reasoning which did not help them in any way. Their time ran out and they found themselves in this place where they will be for ever. They are eating the fruit of their labor."

Then He said: "The third category had debts which they could not afford to pay back, but, again, none of them had told me that they had debts they were unable to pay. If they had done so, I would have paid their debts. They also tried to use their own reasoning and wisdom, which did not help them in any way. Now they have found themselves in this place where they will always be. They are eating the fruit of their labor. My heart is aching for all these people because I love them dearly."

In the first group, I saw two of my very close female relatives, as well as a twelve year-old, also a relative of mine. I knew she was twelve because that was how old she was at the time of her death. In the second group I also saw some of my relatives, as well as a Pastor whom I knew very well. Jakes, my boyfriend who had committed suicide because I gave my life to Christ, was also in the second group. I saw some of my neighbors in both groups as well.

I recognized the people I knew before their deaths; they also recognized me. My relatives were very angry when they saw me and they started to shout obscenities at me; they were using the most vulgar language as they were cursing me. One of them said that I was not worthy of following the man who was with me; they were telling the things I used to do before I gave my life to Christ. They were not lying; the things of which they were accusing me were the truth. Jakes was saying that I belonged to him and I should go where he was because I had committed the same sins as he. At first the Pastor seemed happy to see me and he said I did well by coming but his attitude changed immediately when he saw who was accompanying me and then he also joined in the cursing and the use of obscene language. The man with me told me to ignore them for they did not know what they were doing.

I was petrified and extremely sad; my body was shaking and I could not stand. I was crying uncontrollably. The man turned to me, gave me a hug, and said: "Peace be with you, Victoria." My strength returned and I felt very secure in His embrace. Then He told me that we had to leave the place and go back. He looked at me and said: "Victoria, I have shown you. Now you must choose in which of the groups you want to be; the choice is in your own hands. You must tell the people everything you have seen and experienced but do not add or omit anything."

I remembered that we left the place of horrors together but I do not know where I left Him because then I became aware: I opened my eyes and I was back in my physical body, lying in Oshakati Hospital. There was a drip in my left arm, and I saw my mother and other neighbors from our village in one corner of the room, where they were looking at me in amazement. I could see on my mother's face that she had been crying. I asked one of the nurses if she knew what was wrong with me but she only made a joke and said: "You were sent back; perhaps you have done something wrong and you need to repent." The nurse was trying to speak lightheartedly about my condition but I could see she was afraid to come closer to me. I asked her to call the doctor who attended me.

When he arrived, he said that he did not know what was wrong with me. Initially, he had thought that I had contracted malaria but the malaria results were negative. He continued to tell me that my temperature, pulse and blood pressure were dangerously low but he could not find the cause for it. He said that there was nothing he could do for me; he could not admit me because I was not sick. The drip they had applied was not working at first but when I opened my eyes, it started to work. He recommended that the nurse administered another drip to me once the first one had finished so that I could get enough strength to go home.

I was frightened by what I saw in that place and couldn't stop crying. The stench of that horrible place continued to be as real as when I was there. The scenes from that place were flashing before me all the time. I was unable to sleep and my whole body was in great pain. I felt as though all my limbs had been taken apart, and re-assembled. Oh, I felt awful. I had diarrhea and a pounding headache for an entire week.

My mind was made up that I would not talk to anybody about my experiences because who would believe me? What would people think? I kept telling myself that I would never relate my experiences to anybody. One of my mentors phoned me three days later to enquire about my wellbeing because I sent her a text message asking her to pray for me. Before I knew it I was telling her about my experiences. When I realized what I was doing I had already told her most of the story. I wanted to kick myself. I was crying because I was convinced that I had made the biggest mistake of my life. Now the story was told, there was no possibility I could hide it anymore. Now I knew that if God wants something to be told, it will be told. He is God, after all.

On August 19, I woke up, feeling the signs of the anointing in my physical body. I was weak and trembling, while waves of electricity were going through my body. In the evening I saw a brilliant light coming into the room and in the midst of it was the same man. This time He sat down on a chair next to my bed. I have no idea where this chair came from but it was there as soon as He was ready to sit down. It was a beautiful chair made of solid gold; the shape was that of a conventional chair, with back support. On each leg was a silver star embedded in the gold; the same star was also in the centre of the back support. There are round wheels on each leg.

After greeting me, He told me that He knew that I had many questions about His identity and that He came to reveal Himself to me and to explain certain things that I have experienced. He said: "I am Jesus Christ, your Saviour. If you have any doubts, look at my hands. That place where we went is Hell." When I looked at His hands, I saw scars where the nails pierced Him.

Dear friend, I want to tell you that hell is not a figment of anybody's imagination but it is a real place and it is unpleasant. It was not made for people but for Satan and his demons. Our rightful place is in Heaven with Jesus but we have to choose Jesus before it is too late. Today, when you hear His voice, do not harden your heart; accept Jesus as your personal Saviour today and live for Him. Hell is a terrible place: it is a place of fear and sadness; it is a place of torment and eternal cries and gnashing of teeth. Satan wants to take as many people with him as possible. Do not co-operate with him; co-operate with Jesus and you will live and not die.

I could not understand why the Lord would tell me to make a choice between the two groups He showed me in Hell when I was already a born-again Christian. I have accepted Him into my life and He was still telling me to make a choice whether I want to go to Hell or not. I could not understand. I started to pray and asked God to give me a revelation of what He meant and what He wanted me to do. The Lord revealed to me that I was harboring a lack of forgiveness and resentment in my heart towards one of my sisters, as well as to my cousin. I asked the Lord to forgive me for my unforgiving spirit; I also asked my sister to forgive me for harboring anger and bitterness in my heart toward her. The Lord instructed me to go and ask forgiveness from my cousin.

The Lord also reminded me that there was a time when I acquired a teaching job with a fraudulent diploma and He considered that to be debt and theft. I was determined to do what was right and I asked the Lord to help me through this problem and to show me an easy way out because this was a serious crime which could send me behind bars. He directed me to go to the Department of Education and confess what I had done. I was ready to go to jail if this was unavoidable. I experienced the Lord's favor in a big way. The officials in the Department of Education told me that I should decide what I wanted to do: whether to pay back the salary I had received from the government or not. They promised not press charges against me because they were stunned by my confession. Our God is a faithful God who honors His Word.

If you are in a situation similar to the one I was in, I want to encourage you to do what is right, no matter the consequences. You might be incarcerated in the earthly jail but that is temporal. No pain or shame will compare to Eternity separated from God. Hell is not a nice place: it is better to allow God to judge you now before it is too late. We must not fear God's judgment while we are in the time of Grace: we must allow Him to expose whatever is wrong in our lives while we still have time to make right with Him because there is no forgiveness on the other side of the grave.

2nd Trip to hell

On October 18 2005 I woke up at 05H30 but I could not go to work. I was feeling very weak and drunk; I could not move or turn around in my bed, and the presence of the Lord was very heavy in the room. I was trembling and felt electricity going through my body. The Lord came to take me just before 08H00 because the last time I had looked at my watch, it was 07H48, and he arrived very shortly after that. He greeted me and said that we should go again because time was fast running out. I stood up and we began to walk. The way we were walking on this day was very different from all other times; although our legs were doing the walking movements, we were sort of floating more than walking. While we were on our way, Jesus told me that all sins are bad and there is nothing such as small sin and big sin. All sin will lead to death, no matter how big or small. The Lord told me that we were going to visit Hell again and then He asked me if I was afraid. I answered that I was afraid.

He said, "The spirit of fear is not from My Father or from Me, it is from the Devil. Fear will cause you to do things that will land you in hell."

Without faith it is impossible to please God and fear is the direct opposite of faith. It is obvious that fear does not please God because it destroys one's faith. For the whole time we were on our way, we were walking side by side but as soon as we arrived at the gate of Hell, He took my hand into His and held it for every second we were in Hell. I was very happy that the Lord was holding my hand because the firm grip of His hand removed all the fear from me. The place was still the same: nothing was different from the first time. There were flies, worms, extreme heat, the smell, skeletons, the noise: everything was just as it was the first time I was there. We entered the same ugly gate again and the Lord took me to one group of people. There were many people I knew when they were still alive on Earth. The poor people were in a terrible state; they looked miserable and in great agony but the worst of all was the look of hopelessness on their faces.

The Lord pointed out one middle-aged woman whom I knew before her death. She had died in a car accident at the beginning of 2005. I was shocked to see that woman in Hell because we all knew her as a God-fearing and God-loving person. The Lord told me that that woman loved Him and He also loved her; she had served Him when she was on Earth; she had led many people to the Lord and she knew the Word very well. She was kind to the poor and needy; she gave to them, and helped them in many ways. She was a good servant of the Lord in most ways.

Those words of the Lord shocked me even more and I asked Him why He would let someone who had served Him so well end up in Hell. The Lord looked at me and said that this lady had believed the deception of the Devil. Although she knew the Scriptures well, she believed the lie of the Devil that there are big sins and small sins. She thought that a ‘small' sin would not lead her to Hell because, after all, she was a Christian.

The Lord continued, "I went to her many times and told her to stop what she was doing but many times she would reason that what she was doing was too small and she attributed my warning to her own feelings of guilt. There was a time when she stopped for a while but then she convinced herself again that the warning was not from Me but her own voice because that sin was too insignificant to grieve the Holy Spirit."

I asked the Lord again to tell me what the sin was that this woman has committed and He answered me thus, "This woman had a friend who is a nurse at Oshakati Hospital. Whenever this woman was sick, she would not go to hospital and pay for her hospital card as normal practice; she would just pick up the telephone and tell her friend to organize medicine for her from the Hospital Dispensary. Her friend would always oblige and tell her to pick up the medicine at a particular time. Firstly, she decided to accept the lie of the Devil about small and big sin and rejected my truth; she caused somebody else to sin and steal on her behalf but, worst of all, she grieved the Holy Spirit. This is what caused her to be in Hell. It does not matter whether you bring millions of souls to the Lord; it is still possible to go to Hell for grieving the Holy Spirit. You must not only care about the salvation of others but you must be careful not to forget about your own soul. Be sensitive to the Holy Spirit at all times." After the Lord said those words He said that we should go back.

Many Christians who have heard this story do find it problematic. They would always ask me, "What about justification, mercy and grace?" and "Is it possible to lose your Salvation after you have received it?" "Is that not a bit too harsh?" "Can God be so cruel?"

Well, as I have said elsewhere in this book, I am not presenting any theology here. I am just telling you what the Lord has shown and taught me - and what He has allowed me to experience. Please refer to your Bible for answers. Look at the following verses and make your own judgment.

"But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I preached to others, I myself should become disqualified." (1Corinthians 9:27)

"What shall we say then? Shall we continue to sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it? (Romans 6:1-2)

"Do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lust." (Romans 6:12)

"For if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a certain fearful expectation of judgment and fiery indignation which will devour the adversaries." (Hebrews 10:26-27)

Can I go to Hell after having served the Lord and led many to Christ? You be the judge!

Disobedience

On Monday 6 March 2006, I was woken by my alarm clock at 05H30. I started to pray and realized that there was a heavy anointing on me. My body was very weak and I was trembling; waves of electricity were going through my body.

In the afternoon, as I was lying on my bed, I saw a brilliant light filling the room. I saw tiny, white, round beads, the size of a pin-head. The beads were falling like rain and would sink into my skin on contact. In addition, I saw a cloud of something like white mist coming from above; it also filled the room and sank into my skin on contact. Thereafter, I saw Jesus walking towards me in the midst of a cloud of mist. He sat down on His chair next to my bed. I have no idea where this chair comes from; it usually appears as soon as He is ready to sit. It is a beautiful chair made of solid gold; the shape looks similar to most chairs but with back support. On each leg is a silver star; a similar but larger star is also on the back support. There are round wheels on each leg.

Jesus greeted me and stretched out His hand to me and told me to get up because time was fast running out. He pulled me up by my hand and I sat down on my bed.

Then he said to me, "Victoria, let us pray." He prayed in a language that I did not understand; I understood only the word ‘Amen'. Then He continued by asking me what I was seeing and I told Him that I was seeing groups of people going to their work and others arriving at their work places. I was also seeing those similar tiny white beads falling on those who arrived first at their work places. After the first group, another group also arrived later. By that time the rain of tiny beads had stopped falling.

I also saw different groups of people, arriving at different churches on a Sunday morning. The rain of white beads would begin to fall as soon as the early comers enter the churchyard. It continued to fall for some time and then it stopped. The latecomers would not find anything.

Jesus asked me whether I understood what those visions meant and I told Him that I did not understand. Then He explained to me: "These visions mean that every place where you are supposed to be at a specified time and you know what time you should be there, there are always angels distributing blessings for that specified time. If you arrive on time, you will receive your blessings but if you are late, you will miss your blessings for that day because the angels distribute the blessings only for that specific time. Victoria, I want to warn you because you go late for work and you go especially late to church services. You must know that at those times you have been late without any valid reason; you have forever missed out on your blessings for those days; they will never return to you again. Victoria you must stop this thing and do not ever do it again, unless you have a valid reason for being late."

When the Lord said those words I really wished I could disappear or give Him some acceptable excuses for my indiscipline. I told Him that sometimes I oversleep but He looked me straight in the eye and said that I was lying and that I had a bad tendency of going back to bed after I have woken up, to succumb to a desire to sleep for a ‘few more minutes'.

After Jesus had warned me, He said, "Stand up. Let us go. Time is fast running out and there are things we must do."

This time the Lord took me to a place where I have never been before; it was also the first time we took the road we walked on that day. We arrived in a garden filled with beautiful flowers and beautiful green trees: nothing on Earth can compare to this beauty. The flowers were in all kinds of beautiful, bright colors. We sat down on a beautiful garden bench, which was made from solid gold with small brightly-shining silver stars.

When we sat down, He pointed in front of us and said, "Victoria, look, can you see that city?" When I looked, I saw a very large, brightly lit city. It was beautiful beyond description. The city has a brightly shining golden gate and at this gate was a man, seated, who was of great age. He had a long, white beard and white hair. I had seen this man earlier and, when I asked Jesus who this man was, he told me that it was Abraham, the father of faith.

I saw many roads in that city, which are also paved with gold. There are high-rise buildings and they were also shining like gold. The shine and the glitter in the city is indescribable

Jesus turned to me and asked, "What do you think about that city?"

I answered that it was beautiful and I wanted to go there. Jesus said: "I will take you there if you continue to be obedient because that is also where your house will be. Stay obedient - because if you are disobedient, Victoria, crows will fly in your house. Your house will be a dwelling place of owls and a playground of ghosts. However, do not fear, because I am with you. Just obey. For everyone who is disobedient, his house will have crows flying there; it will be a dwelling place of owls and a playground of ghosts."

Jesus Christ is real and He loves us with a love that cannot be described, His greatest desire is for us to choose life and spend eternity with Him. His heart is aching for all those people who are dying and going to Hell because they chose to reject the Salvation He offered them and they chose death instead.

Whether you are a born-again Christian or not, please always remember this one thing:
Time is fast running out.

RESCUED FROM HELL (Pastor and Evangelist: Carmelo Brenes)

Our Church of God of the Full Gospel has the honor to present the testimony: "Rescued from Hell," with pastor and evangelist Carmelo Brenes.

In 1982, I had an accident in which I died. In the moment that all my existence ended, I felt everything become dark, and I began to walk through a dark tunnel. I saw a being that was taking me and began to hear screams and moans. I understood that my life had been taken from me; I ceased to live on the earth. But the most terrible thing was that as we were going through the tunnel, the fear inside of me was increasing more and more. I knew that, although my body was already dead, I was alive in some place.
We walked for a while inside that tunnel. Suddenly, I heard groans and moans that I had never heard before. As we continued walking inside that cold and dark tunnel, I began to see big, gigantic snakes that moved from one place to another and to hear different moans and groans. There was something very peculiar about that place: almost all the people in that place had something in common. They were all thinking about and crying out for water at that moment. We continued going until we arrived at an open place like a plateau with many chambers and divisions that contained different people.

I began to cry out with terror and beg God for mercy. I began to tell Him, "Lord, remember my life! Have mercy!" In those moments, a feeling of terror invaded my soul. I felt like my whole life was passing before my eyes once more. I was walking with the being that took me. As we approached a door, I shouted, "Have mercy on me my Lord; have mercy on me! I beg you to help me! Help me Lord!!"

Suddenly there was a silence, and I heard a voice saying, "Stop!" Because of that voice, all of hell shook. The being that was taking me by the hand released me, but I did not fall to the ground. Instead, I remained hovering in one place and heard that voice once more that said, "I am not the God of adulterers, I am not the God of fornicators, I am not the God of liars. Why do you call me Lord if I am not a God of those who boast and are proud?" I felt for a moment that my whole being was going to be destroyed, but as the moments passed the being’s voice became softer and told me, "Come and I will show you the things going on in this place that are waiting for all who haven't been willing to follow my way and have walked after the imaginations of their own hearts."
I began to walk in that place, while listening to all those moans that crushed my very soul. Suddenly, we stopped at the head of a cell where a woman was sitting in a rocking chair. At first, it seemed like nothing was happening to her, but suddenly her body transformed because she was a witch. She screamed with such groans and moans, and asked for help because her whole being was burning in flames. She began to scream horrifying screams, begging for someone to please help her. The Lord spoke to me and said, "The wages of sin is death, and those who arrive in this place will never get out again." He also showed me places down in the earth, like openings in the earth, that had some kind of boiling oil where there were also beings that were burning in flames-- human beings, that were in that place of suffering. When they tried to go out, a demon came at once to put them inside that place again.

The Lord showed me that because of the disobedience of men, many people that had once been a part of Christian and Evangelic churches, found themselves in that place crying out and begging for mercy over their lives, which could not be found anymore because mercy can only be found when we are still alive on this earth. Once a man is dead, mercy can not be reached anymore, as the Lord says in His word, "And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment“ (Hebrews 9:27). We continued walking and arrived at a very special place where there were people that had once listened to the word of God, but never wanted to repent. I noticed a woman with two children who were pleading with their mother and asked her: "Why? Why didn't you take us to Sunday school? Why didn't you allow us to go to church?" And they cursed her because they once wanted to go to church to hear the word of God, but their mother never allowed them to go to church to hear the gospel. He also took me by a place where there were pastors, evangelists, and missionaries and many believers who were there for different causes.
I saw a pastor that especially caught my attention. This man had never believed in the power of the Holy Spirit, speaking in other tongues, or the baptism of the Holy Ghost. He also never believed in the healings of the Lord. Now however, he was begging for mercy, and for one more chance to go out and tell the world that speaking in tongues is real, that that the Holy Ghost is real, and that there is real freedom in the gospel of the Lord. But it was too late for him; he could not leave that place because his time to repent of his evil was while he was on earth. Even when he was a member of the Christian evangelical church and a pastor, however, he had not reached mercy. There was also a missionary there because he asked for money to open a mission in Africa, but he only used half of the money. The rest of the money he took it for himself, and now he begs for mercy in that place and for another chance to deliver back the money that was not his. He remembers how he lied to take that money that was not his and begs for mercy and forgiveness. But when he sees that mercy can not be granted to him, he curses Jesus Christ.

I want to tell you, it is not the same at all, when you live life here as when you are in that place of torment. In hell, you hear the shouts and groans of terror and pain in the throat of those that were once inside the church praising the name of Jesus. Now in that place they cry out and beg for mercy for their sins, but once on this earth they had that chance. Now, they are just waiting for the eternal and Last Judgment. There were also pastors there because they robbed tithes and offerings from their churches. Now, they want just one more chance that can not be granted any more--one more chance that can only be found on this earth. They spend day and night crying out without ceasing to undo all their bad works. The opportunity to repent is while you are alive on earth because after this life there are no more chances. Those who die without Jesus Christ go to hell, and those who die with Jesus Christ receive eternal life in heaven with Him. Many people believe that dying is just stopping this existence and that their bodies will go into the earth. At death, real life begins and the real personality of the believer or the sinner shows up and begins to live; either in the glory of God or in condemnation and eternal shame. That choice you make it today and now; right at this moment is when you can think over and meditate on where you want to spend your eternity. Do you want to spend eternity in hell or in the glory of God? At this very hour you can still decide.

We continued walking and arrived at a horrifying place where there were demons of all types, shapes and forms. There were some that had just one arm, one eye and one leg, and the end of the leg was like a hoof of a foal. Their faces were like half of a human face, but the rest of the other half was empty. I asked the Lord, "Lord and this? What it is this?” And He said, "These are demons of destruction, in the homes of all those who are lost. This is the demon that will destroy and destroy without rest, day after day." The torment in that place is terrible--so terrible that the souls can not stop and remember all the things that they did while on earth. Is like it is written in Luke 16 from verses 19 on (19"There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. 20At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores 21and longing to eat what fell from the rich man's table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores. 22The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham's side. The rich man also died and was buried. 23In hell where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. 24So he called to him, 'Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.' 25"But Abraham replied, 'Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. 26And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.' 27"He answered, 'Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my father's house, 28for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.' 29"Abraham replied, 'They have Moses and the Prophets; let them listen to them.' 30" 'No, father Abraham,' he said, 'but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.' 31"He said to him, 'If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.' " The rich men died, and in Hades he lifted his eyes while in torment and saw Abraham and Lazarus at his side. There he could remember that he had a father and five brothers. He could think about them in that moment because there, your soul is alive, your soul can feel the pain. You can remember all the things you did in your life good or bad; you can remember the way you lived within or out of the church; you can remember all your relatives, your mother, your brothers, all your friends, and that is part of the torment. That man in the Bible could remember that he had five brothers, and also beg for mercy saying, "Father Abraham send someone to tell them and testify to them, so they do not come to this place of torment." But Abraham told him, "They have had Moses and the prophets let them hear them." In the same way, today you have prophets of God that preach the gospel of the Lord on this earth. You have heard the Word of God, and now is the time to repent. Nobody from the dead will come to save you because He who can save your soul, Jesus of Nazareth, has already resurrected from the dead, and is now sitting at the right hand of the Father ready to save you. Nobody else can save you. It is written in the book of Acts 4:12 "Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved.” Just in Jesus alone. When I remember all that pain, I still feel all the pain and terror in my soul in remembering that there are young children in that place between the ages of 12 and 14 years old. They also regret many things they did here on earth. There are many that believe that their children will not be lost or go to hell because they are so young. But let me tell you, if your children are not in the ways of the Lord, and can already distinguish between good and evil they will also arrive to that place of torment because it is written in Revelation 20:12 "And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Another book was opened, which is the book of life. The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books.” All persons that can comprehend and can make the distinction between good and evil will have to stand before the Lord; nothing is hidden from the eyes of the Lord.

We continued walking until we came to a place where it was some sort of football stadium. The demons’ laughing stock were human beings. Their mockery was the very image of the living God; the joy of the demons was to torment the living image of God. They pulled out pieces of their bodies and hid them from them and made them look for them. That made them feel great pleasure because that caused great pain and torment, which is what satan and his demons like the most. It is like what is written in John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." It is not like when you are here sitting in a chair and you can ask for water and drink it. In that place, people ask for water and mercy; in that place people regret even the day they were born. In that place, people are sorry that they did not meet Jesus. Also, many that met Jesus regret that they walked away from Him. But it is already late. I want to tell you that if you have walked away from the ways of the Lord, if you have walked apart from Him, today is the time to come back! Do not be ashamed of what your friends may say; do not think of what your father, your girlfriend or your brothers may say. Think of what the Lord says in His word: those who are ashamed of Him on this earth, He will also be ashamed of in the heavens (Luke 9:26 If anyone is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of him when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels.) It is time for you to run to the presence of God; it is time for you to look for the salvation. Do not look for a church, look towards Jesus Christ. Do not look for a church that makes you feel good; look for a church where the Spirit of the Lord moves and repent of your sins! It is time for repentance; now is the time to cry out to the Lord and tell Him: "Lord I recognize that I am not saved; Lord I recognize that I still can not attain salvation on my own." If this is your situation when you are reading this testimony, just run to Jesus Christ! Your life is in danger, the Word of God says that He will come as a thief in the night. (1 Thessalonians 5:2 For you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night.) Are you ready to be saved or are you still thinking about it?

We continued observing what these demons were doing to those in torment. They took out an eye and hid it. We saw human beings dragging themselves in pain to look for it. For the demons, it was a great joy to see that person. Other demons took away part of a leg to watch him jump and hobble, looking for the part of the body that was missing; to another they took out an arm just to laugh about the pain the person felt. I want to tell you that those who have met the Lord Jesus and once walked in His ways, but die in their sin receive double punishment! As the Word of God says, (Mark 12:40 They devour widows' houses and for a show make lengthy prayers. Such men will be punished most severely. James 4:17 Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.) Those who know how to do good, but do evil shall receive double condemnation. Those who never knew the Lord also have torment and pain, but it is more tolerable than for those who knew Jesus and slid back. I just want to tell you, that when we were in that place, I felt such a terror in my soul, although I know that here men do not think in that way. I was in as deep of a panic as I feel right now. I felt terror for my life; I felt such a terror for all the torments that I was looking at; I felt such a pain and compassion for all the souls that were crying and begging for mercy; I felt all my being become weaker, but the Lord was there giving me strength and told me: "I will show you how many things are still waiting for all men." We passed that place, and arrived at a different cell that was burning in the edges. There were souls crying and suffering and I began to see what was going on with them. Those who were in the torment with flames that looked like gases were the ones that had once stood up in the altar of God. They had led church meetings and preached the word of God. They were the ones that had once cast out demons and spoke in tongues, but now were in torment because one day they made the decision to walk away from the holy way of God. We stood there watching all those in pain burning in the flames. Even when all we could see were almost just bones of a dark gray color, they could still feel the pain. They also could talk, they could beg for mercy when they felt that the Lord was walking by them in that moment. They shouted with loud screams: "Jesus please have mercy on us!" But the time for mercy is today.

We continued walking until we arrived at a place and the Lord told me: "Look at this wide street." I stood looking at the street and saw a multitude of believers with their Bibles in their hands. Their hands were raised up; some of them were praying some of them were shouting. The road of the Lord continued to the right, but they continued walking straight to hell, and I asked the Lord why they were going that way. He told me: "They have a double life; they are living two lives: one in My house of prayer, and another in their own houses." And I said to the Lord: "But Lord, these people come from praising your Name!" And He said: "Yes, and even when they cry, shout , and say nice things about Me or to Me, their hearts are full of adultery, full of evil, full of lies, full of deception, full of hate, full of roots of bitterness, full of bad thoughts." Then, I could understand what is written in the Scripture in Matthew 7:21 Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.

There are times that we think we are doing things okay--that we are walking right before the eyes of the Lord. The truth is, however, that maybe there is a brother or sister that we may not like, and perhaps we do not go to church because of that brother. When the pastor asks in the church, “How many of you love the Lord?” They say "Amen!," but the Bible says that those who do not love their brothers and hate their brothers are like murders, and no murders, can come in the kingdom of Heaven. (Matthew 5:22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, 'Raca,' is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell.) This is one of the biggest reasons inside the church of the Lord why many do not like each other but rather hate each other and are still waiting for the coming of the Lord. But the Bible says that the wages of sin is death. (Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord) Many persons in that day will have regrets.
Some of them say: "Oh no, today I won't go to church because brother so and so will preach and I do not like him." But in that place in hell you will cry out for that man so he can come and preach the Word of God to you. There, you will beg for an opportunity for that one you have hated on this earth, so you can hear him once more. You will beg in that place to hear at least once more that word again. In that place, you will be sorry that you hated your brother; in that place you will be sorry that you did not follow the word of God that tells you, "You shall love your neighbor as your self" (Leviticus 19:17-18 Do not hate your brother in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in his guilt. Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD). In that place you will be so sorry of all the times that you lost in the church of the Lord, there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth as the Word of God says. (Matthew 13:42 They will throw them into the fiery furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.)
You know how sad it would be to live an evangelical Christian life in this earth, but not go to heaven when you die, and for your soul not to receive salvation? I think that today you have to meditate, and think over whether you are doing the will of God. If Christ comes today would you go with Him? I want to tell you with this call; Meditate on this today! Do I want to enter into the heavens? Does the Christian life that I am living please God? Today, it is still time to recognize your faults and to turn your heart to the Lord. If you are reading this today, today is the day to turn towards the Lord! Today is the day when you can accept Jesus as your personal savior and escape from the dungeons of hell.
You know some people think, “Well, it doesn't matter where I am going, it doesn't matter what will happen after this. I will enjoy this life.” But I can tell you, to enjoy this life is to walk hand in hand with Jesus Christ; to enjoy this life is spend the time in the house of the Lord. You do not enjoy this life in the bar, with liquor, or with women. You enjoy it in the house of the Lord. Unlike those who come to the house of the Lord just for some nice moments, we have to look for the Lord in spirit and in truth, asking Him for mercy for those who are still walking on roads of death and sin.

We continued walking inside that place, and surprisingly people who believed that they were truly holy while on earth, were begging for mercy and for another chance. They were there saying: "Lord please have mercy on me!" I was begging the Lord right along with them. I was begging the Lord to have mercy on me! In those moments my soul ached, I felt an immense pain, for those souls too. I felt that there were many reasons to continue living. I felt that man needed an opportunity with Jesus. I felt so much pain when I began to see how people drag themselves in that place, begging for mercy and asking for forgiveness.

We arrived at a place where a woman was acting like she was reading the Word of God, and preaching about John 3:16. She said: " For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” I asked the Lord, "Why is this woman here if she can remember what she preached about and she gave the gospel message? Why is she in this place?" He answered and said, "Because she could never forgive her husband; she never managed to forgive her husband." (Matthew 6:14-15 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.) I asked: "Lord is it so easy is to lose salvation?" That woman had been shepherding an evangelical church for 35 years. In that moment, her life was passing before her eyes, and she saw that she could never forgive her husband. Now she is begging for one more chance to forgive her husband. But I want to tell you, if you have problems with your husband or your wife, forgiveness is for today! Today is when you have to call him or her and say: "Forgive me or I forgive you for what you have done to me" Come to an agreement! (Matthew 5:25 Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison). If Jesus calls you to His presence today, where would you go? The Word of God says: Matthew 5:7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. If you are one of those who cries in the presence of the Lord, who cries in the presence of the Holy Ghost, you are still under the grace and mercy of the Lord. But if you feel that you can not cry any more in the presence of the Lord, if you feel that you can not pray anymore, if you have left behind your prayer life, let me tell you that you are under great danger. You know, forgiveness is something special, and that woman never forgave. After 35 years, she had been shepherding a church and just in one second of her life she lost everything! Meditate today! React today! How are you living your life? How do you want to spend eternity? I have a biological brother that says: "The day that I die, I will go to hell and let the demons poke me with the coals, and I will help the demons to poke the coals in the fire." But let me tell you that the judgment of the Lord has come upon him. While I am recording this message he is lying down with AIDS in his body, and is now begging God for a chance. He turned his heart to the Lord and converted because he does not think the same way anymore. Now he does not want to go that place of torment. Now, he doesn't find it easy to open his mouth and say that he will let the demons poke him with the coals. It is not the same to say I want to go there and be tormented, than to really be in that place of torment. Because of the mercy of God, my brother has accepted Jesus as the savior of his life. But I want to tell you something and listen to me carefully. My brother had the chance because that illness was progressing in his life. But how or when are you going to die? Will you have another opportunity besides this moment to ask the Lord to forgive you or will you die instantly without time to ask the Lord for forgiveness? Please meditate in this moment! How long your life will last?

We continued walking and arrived at a summit, where there were a group of men that called themselves "Evangelical Christians." In the neighborhood where they lived, there was a man who had been an alcoholic, but had converted to Jesus Christ, and one day his wife got severely ill. He began to knock door by door, until he arrived at those "brothers" and said to one of them, "My wife is very sick. I need you to lend me some money to take her to the hospital." And that man told him, "That is what you say! No! We do not have money here!" And he went to the house of the other and also told him, "I do not have money! I need money!" And so on he went from door to door of those brothers asking for money for transportation to take his wife to the hospital. But none of them gave him anything, and the man’s wife died. Then, they called themselves "brothers" and they said: "Did you see brother? That lesson we taught that alcoholic? He wanted the money to go to the bars and drink liquor, but he wouldn't get me with that! I know what he really wanted was to drink alcohol, but I didn't give him a single penny! Then the other "brother" also started to tell the story of how the man came to him and so on until all of them told the story. But the saddest part is when one of them begins to burn in fire and flames and begins to give big and horrifying shouts of pain, and he begins to regret and moan all the bad things that he did on the earth, and he continually says, "Lord! Why couldn’t my unrepentant heart see the evil I was doing in my life?" But the Bible says clearly that the sons of God are those who are guided by the Spirit of God (Romans 8:14 because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.) When this happened, all the rest of them began to burn in fire and flames, and they began to cry and regret and remember that day in which that man came and knocked their doors, they began to remember that moment when this man came and asked them a favor.

I don't know if one day you will arrive at hell and remember that you once read this testimony or that one day you were told that you would give account to the Lord for your life. Maybe you were told not to pay evil for evil, and you listened to the gospel of Jesus, and did not want to repent! That day would be the saddest day of your life!

Those bodies were burning in flames, but were tied with a rope. The bodies were a dark gray color. They couldn't do anything but regret, moan and shout in pain and terror because the pain was unbearable. Their flesh almost melted and fell from their bodies; their skin fell from the bodies until they were just darkish-grey colored bones. I want to tell you that this pain and torment is permanent; there is a torment that has no end—it never ends. All these people remember how much evil they had in their hearts. Listen to this! This is not a movie! This is not an invention or a fairy tale. This is something that really happened! This is something that happened in my life!

Please listen to me carefully. I was an Evangelical Christian. I converted to Jesus; I prayed for the sick and God healed them, I prayed for the lame and God raised them up. I cast out demons and spoke in new tongues, but in my life had entered a spirit of pride that made me see my pastor spiritually inferior to me. In some occasions, people went to church for my pastor to pray for healing. When nothing happened, they came the next day for me to pray for them. I came to them and just gave the word, and God honored the words that I said. But I began to think that it was me, that I was the one that was causing the work of God. In my pride, I thought that I was someone. In my own understanding, I was a super-gifted man or someone special. I could not understand that it was the mercy of God that was in my life, until I arrived at the place and God told me, "I am not the God of people with pride in their hearts." Then, I could understand that many of us stand in an altar full of pride and vainglory. Many, who the Lord allows to sing praises to Him with beautiful voices, begin to be full of pride. How many people who preach the word of God, and are used by Him begin to think that they are overly important? How many of those that God has given the gift of deliverance get full of pride, and begin to think that they are someone important? I want to tell you that God is looking at every single step that you give, every single move that you make. God is listening to you and knows your heart. I want to tell those of you who are reading this testimony, if you have vainglory, pride, or arrogance in your heart, if you see your brother or pastor with disdain, please repent of your sins in this hour! It is much better to be humiliated before the men, than be humiliated in the presence of the Lord. You know I wish that one day for a moment, just for a moment, you that read this testimony could see this place. I wish, that for a moment, you could hear those moans, groans, and cries that were so horrifying, that fill the soul with terror. Those cries that can reach the deepest parts of anyone’s heart. Those shouts that cry, “Lord! Have mercy on me! Lord! Take me out of this place! Lord! Stretch out your hand and take me out of this place of torment!" That is the moment in the life of a person when they begin to remember everything. If you knew how sad it is to be in that place forever! Do you realize how much pain will be in your life in that moment or how sad it will be for you to arrive to that place?

We continued walking, and arrived at a place, a kind of foyer we could call it. A being came and shouted. When he shouted, all the demons presented themselves before him. Two very beautiful women were presented also. They had the task on earth of destroying ministries and to rise against pastors and ministries. In some occasions you may see that a young, very attractive woman tries to get close to a minister of God to make him fall into sin. That is the goal. The devil has entrusted those demons. That is the goal! You who serve in the altar of God, who take part in church meetings, who minister to God in praises and worship, singing to the Lord. You guitar players, piano players, and drummers understand my words. Satan wants to destroy your life. If he has to use your father, your mother, your brother, your pastor, your brother in the congregation he will use them. All those who do not have a repentant heart before the Lord or walk close to Him, can be an instrument in the hands of the devil at any moment. These women go out over the whole earth, but they do not go to the bars or to the canteens. They go exactly and directly to the churches. In the same way there are demons playing men, dressed like men, that go directly to the churches to confuse the young ladies and even to the married women. By doing this, they destroy many lives, but they are sent by satan with a spirit of demons to destroy the work of the Lord.

In that place there is also a man that blasphemed against the Spirit of the Lord; that man is standing there asking for forgiveness and for mercy. I want to tell you that every moment, worms of fire come out of his mouth, eyes and ears. He tries to take them out with his hands, but the more he takes them out the more come out. More and more worms of fire run around his body. Like it is written in Mark 9:44, “If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better for you to enter life maimed than to go into hell with two hands, where the fire never goes out.” This man shouted in pain and big screeches, but he just could not leave that place or destroy the worms that were attacking his body. He could not take them off his body because the more he tried the more they multiplied. He spent all his time in the same torment and pain. There was even a moment when the worms began to eat his bones. You could see that the pain he felt was just unbearable. Because of the intensity of his shouts, I felt such a terror--terror of seeing all those punishments that take place in there. In that moment he remembered all his family. There you can remember how many family members you have, those who are walking with the Lord and those who aren’t. I want to tell you today, you have to take the promise of God in Acts 16:31 that says, They replied, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved—you and your household." You know, if you love your family begin to preach the Word of God to them, so they may escape from hell. Do you know how terrible it is when it says in the Bible, Matthew 10:28 “Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell."
There are times when we try to hide from the pastor; there are times when we hide from the deacon of the congregation. Sometimes, we hide from the elders of the church, but nobody can hide from the presence of the Lord. Always remember that wherever you are, in the high, in the deep--no matter where, you will be always before the presence of the Lord. (Psalms 139:7-10 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.)
You know there is a reason why there are so many Christians in that place. It may sound crazy, but it is because of the lies. Some arrive at the church and when they are asked why they didn't come the other day, they say: "It’s just that I had so many things to do! So, I just could not come." But that was not true. They simply did not want to go, but they lied. And you know what? That is exactly what Annanias and Sapphira did. In the Book of Acts 5:3-10 it states, “Then Peter said, "Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land? Didn't it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn't the money at your disposal? What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied to men but to God." When Ananias heard this, he fell down and died. And great fear seized all who heard what had happened. Then the young men came forward, wrapped up his body, and carried him out and buried him. About three hours later his wife came in, not knowing what had happened. Peter asked her, "Tell me, is this the price you and Ananias got for the land?" Yes," she said, "that is the price." Peter said to her, "How could you agree to test the Spirit of the Lord? Look! The feet of the men who buried your husband are at the door, and they will carry you out also." At that moment she fell down at his feet and died. Then the young men came in and, finding her dead, carried her out and buried her beside her husband. At that same moment, that woman died because of the lie. There are many Evangelical Christians that are in that place because they believed that they were simply lying to the pastor, but know that when you lie, you are not lying to men, you are lying to God. The lies are there before the Lord. The Word of God says that no drunks, no adulterers, no fornicators, no liars shall inherit the kingdom of God.
The point of this testimony is that I want you to realize that I had an Evangelical Christian life, very used by God, but there was pride in my heart. And I want to make a special call for repentance. Repentance is a call to make you recognize your faults, a call in case you are living an Evangelical Christian life, but are not clean before the eyes of the Lord. Today, you can renew your heart and mind. If you are reading this, but have not accepted Jesus in your heart, and want to accept Him as your savior, you can pray this prayer of faith: "Lord Jesus, in this hour I am before Your presence to ask your forgiveness for my sins and faults. Today I am sorry Lord for all evil I have done in my life, and I am asking you to enter inside my heart. Today, I accept you as the only one and sufficient savior of my life."
If you are lukewarm and living a double life in the church and your home, bow your head right where you are before the presence of the Lord, and tell Him: "Lord Jesus, have mercy on me. Today, I come before you to ask you for Your forgiveness, to reconcile with You. Write my name in the Book of the Life and fill me with Your Holy Spirit. AMEN."

My Prayer

Dear God,

I want to speak of this one more time and I want to write it for my friends to read. They have been walking this out with me and I want them to know that this is the last time I will speak of this.

I woke up praising you this morning and it felt so good. I feel renewed and joyful. You are the great I Am, my Watch Tower, my strength.

I have been so lost and so in the dark. I have missed our intimate time together. My need for you is great as is my love for you. You have gathered me back together. Thank you Lord. Thank you.

Lord, you know my every thought and emotion. Nothing is hidden from you. Search me, Oh Lord, and reveal to me my inner sin so that I may repent and walk closer to you. Protect me from the enemy and myself.

I have over the last few months grieved the loss of my mother. I have lived in regret and guilt. I give those things over to you because they do me no good. They only bring me down and away from my service to you.

I give back to my mother those ungodly things she left with me and I take back, to myself, those things that she stole from me in her abuse. I break the ungodly soul tie with her, but keep the Godly tie. I will live with the memory that she was grateful to be with me at the end of her life and that she loved me. I will stop thinking of what should have been and start remembering the good. I will catch every thought to the obedience of God. You are my strength and my creator.

You sent an angle to me, when my mother was dieing. We shared about your glory and love. You sent friends to me that ministered to me and prayed and sang over my mother. For these things I have never said thank you. So, Lord, now I say thank you. You were there for me in so many ways and never left my side. You are the Almighty God, the Living God, My Rock.

I give you my sorrow, my grief, my anger, my life. I praise you, Lord. I praise you. I pray, Father, that you would heal my body and mind. Bring me to that place, again, where I see only you. Make me whole again. Without you nothing is impossible. You are my light, my energy, my life. Without you I am nothing.

Walk with me, again. Talk with me, again. I am only alive when I am closest to you. Make me new again.

My love for you overflows and my need for you is a hunger within me that needs to be filled. I want to be as Enoch and walk so close to you everyday that I am filled every day with your glory.

I repent from my ways and walk forward to you. Hold me tight in this battle for victory is at hand. I live for you. I would die for you. My future is only in you. I will not fear. I will be victorious.

Amen

Friends

Try has I may to isolate...It does not work!!!

But, I still do not go anywhere.

That will change though.

I had a visitor last night. An old friend whom I had to share my situation with. She emailed me because I have not been answering my phone. So, I told her what I was going through. What does she do....shows up.

We talked for a very long time. We laughed and shared sorrow. We shared victories and challenges. It was good.

But, next thing I know, she has me booked for 4 separate events at the church. I told her it may be like moving a mountain to get me there, but she would not relent. Even stated that I may have to move into her house, one weekend, because she has me so busy.

So, I accepted, but told her I would probably change my mind and not come. The look on her face was one of "oh no you won't". I guess I will go.

One of these events will be me speaking to a group of women. My choice of topics. This is a month away so I have time to prepare. I could bring them all down and talk about depression. Just kidding.

God told me once, pertaining to friends, too choose few and choose wisely. Before I was a Christian I had no friends. I was ok with this...I actually liked it that way. After I became a Christian, I started to have lots of friends. People were everywhere. So, many that I eventually got hurt and that is when God spoke the above to me.

So, I began to choose few and choose wisely. When my mother was ill and past and now that I am going through this season, I have found out why choosing few and choosing wisely is so wise and rewarding.


My few friends have reached out to me with cards, emails, comments on this blog and by just showing up at my home. They have given advise, encouragement and love. They are patient and concerned. All have shown the love of God.

I am so very grateful that God has brought such people into my life. Because, I recognize that without them I would be in deep trouble. They are keeping me afloat with their prayers, visits and encouragement.


Since God foresaw what I would be going through, He put just the right people in my life, at just the right time, to see me through this dark season.

Thank you my friends.

Anger

I, mostly, have been sitting in my home for several weeks. I have had a couple of counseling appointments and did take a road trip with my daughter. I sit and wait for God to bring me a word or notion that will help me walk out of this depression.

Last night, I could not sleep. I have slept for 2 days and last night nothing. But, while trying to sleep I heard from God. He told me, "You love your mother but you are angry with her". I was glad to hear from God and thanked Him but, I am not sure what to do with that.

It makes sense to me that I am angry with her. Forgiveness does not mean that all those feelings suddenly go away. So, I must contend with my anger. So, what to do with anger. Giving it to God is easier said than done. I would suppose the next question would be "do I want to get rid of my anger"? One would think that I would, but I have certainly held onto it for a lot of years. I then would say, that it has become familiar to me and since I have intimate relationship with this anger, I probably do not want to say goodbye to it.

So, there in lies the root of my depression. My mother is gone and I have nothing left to continue to be angry with. Another sad situation that I have gotten myself in.

I have made a decision this week. I will live out the rest of my life has healthy and happy has I can. So, that means I will give up bad habits and eat healthy. Well, has healthy has I can with the price of food right now. This decision was made this weekend while I laid around in pain. Then God brings me a word that truly fits my decision.

Working on giving up my anger is a challenge. First, I did not realize I was angry. But, it makes sense. Second, I do not know how I will accomplish this. But, I will focus and try. God gave me the word so I could be set free and I will be free indeed. Praise God for his mercy.