OUT OF GAY LIFESTYLE (John Paulk)

My parents divorced when I was five. My dad took my sister and me to a park, knelt down beside us, and told us good-bye. For the rest of my childhood, I lived with a continuous insecurity that the people I loved would always walk out of my life.

Around other boys, I felt terribly insecure and different. And because I wasn't good in sports and was effeminate, they called me names like fag, queer and sissy.

I started drinking alcohol when I was 14. I drank to numb the pain inside and to escape from my feelings of self-hatred and inadequacy. Then, when I was 15, a girl from school told me about Jesus Christ while we were talking on the phone one day. I believed everything she said about the Bible, and, after hanging up the phone, I knelt down and asked Jesus to come into my life. I sought him fervently after that, but since no one else in my family was a Christian, I fell away after six months.

When I was a senior in high school, a friend took me to a gay bar for the first time. A whole new world opened up to me. All the attention I got from other men was overwhelming. I soon fell in love with a guy named Curt. Our sexual relationship seemed so natural, and I slipped into the gay lifestyle and let go of my childhood dream of having a wife and family. But my relationship with Curt began to deteriorate and we split up after a year. Once again I lost someone who I thought would stay with me forever. Our break-up was so hard on me that I dropped out of college and moved back home with my mother.

My drinking increased, and I became so miserable that I tried to take my life. Then, due to my poor self-image and lack of money, I started working as a male prostitute. I'd be dropped off at a hotel room and sell my body for $80 an hour. By the end of that summer, I was emotionally burned out. I remember crying myself to sleep after I came home from allowing myself to be sexually used all night.

Another significant event happened that summer. At a gay bar, I saw a male friend dressed like a woman. His feminine appearance looked so real. I was fascinated and one night he put makeup and a wig on me. I was astonished to see a beautiful "woman" looking back at me.

Over the next three years I threw everything into being the best woman I could. I was proud to be a drag queen and even adopted the name "Candi." Soon I became popular as a female impersonator, not just locally but in neighboring states as well. But inside I still hated myself. One night on the dance floor I said to God, "I know you can help me--someday I'll come back to you."

In October 1985, my psychologist confronted me about my heavy drinking. I began attending AA meetings. After six months of sobriety, my head began to clear. One day I put all of my dresses, high heels, wigs, jewelry and makeup into a cardboard box and threw it into a dumpster. "Candi, I don't need you anymore. I'm saying good-bye" I said. My drag friends tried to convince me that I'd be back.

Very shortly after that, a college pastor from a nearby church asked if he could talk to me. He came to my apartment and told me about Jesus Christ. I stopped him after twenty minutes and said, "I know all about the Gospel. I used to be a Christian when I was 15. But I was born gay, so forget it!"

"No, you weren't," he answered. Then he read from Genesis 2: "And God created man...male and female... And God saw all that he had made, and behold, it was very good." The truth came shining through. I was convinced that homosexuality was not something I was born with or something I had to stay in. That week I dug out my Bible and started to read it again. After wrestling with the decision for days, I knelt down beside my bed. "Lord, I don't know how to get out of homosexuality, but I will follow you. No matter how difficult it gets, I'll never turn away from you again." It was February 10, 1987. I had finally found someone who would never leave me.

Something inside me was different now. At a gay AA meeting, the topic of whether homosexuals go to heaven came up. "It doesn't matter if you're gay or straight," I told them, "If we believe in Jesus Christ we'll go to heaven." My friends were shocked. They'd never heard me say such a thing before. Most of them I never heard from again.

Over the next year, I struggled quite a bit. I had gotten rid of all my homosexual paraphernalia and pornography, but I was terribly afraid of rejection by straight men, even at my church. During that time I found the name of a Christian ministry that reached out to homosexuals. I contacted the ministry and eventually moved to the town where it was located. As I was leaving, my mother said, "John, you've worked hard to change your life this past year. I'm so proud of you." "I only had Christ to lean on," I told her. "He did the changing--not me."

With that Christian ministry's help, I discovered that my concept of God was distorted. I had a difficult time accepting the reality of his total love and acceptance. The concept of being loved for just being me was totally incomprehensible. But God wanted to change my identity as a man. He did, and over time I no longer doubted his acceptance of me. I was also finally able to forgive my parents for their emotional neglect and the ways I felt they had rejected me.

My process out of homosexuality has been slow, but solid. My male friendships have eventually grown to a place where I feel secure in my masculinity and know who I am among other men. And at some point, even though Christ had filled the empty places of my heart, he also gave me the desire to have someone else there. In 1991 I fell in love with a beautiful, godly woman who had also come from a homosexual background. We were married in 1992. I cried all the way through our wedding vows, knowing Christ was fulfilling my dream. God's transforming power was so evident during our wedding that my mother and stepfather prayed to receive Jesus Christ that night. In the past, I could never say, "I'm a man." But now I'm a different person, a "new creature in Christ." I can be loved just because I'm his.

In the past, there were many masks I hid behind to protect myself from being hurt again. But now I see that they only stood in the way of God's love reaching through to me. In Jesus Christ I've found the love and acceptance I was looking for all along.

Good News from Archangel GABRIEL for You and Your Family !!! (Testimony of Rev.R.H.BUCK)

On the night of June 18, 1978, I went to bed at my usual time with no advance notice that something was about to happen which would change my entire life!
About three o'clock in the morning, I was abruptly awakened when someone grasped my arms and sat me right up in bed! The room was dark because the shades were pulled, but there was just enough light from outside so I could detect the outline of a huge being.

DARAH YESUS (keterangan dari Malaikat Gabriel)

Setiap berita yang dibawa oleh malaikat mempunyai fokus pada Korban Kristus. DarahNya sangat penting, karena tuntutan keadilan telah dipenuhinya, murka Allah diredakan, dan catatan kesalahan/kejahatan kita terhapus oleh penumpahan Darah Yesus.

Mengapa murka Allah perlu diredakan ?! Karena Allah harus menemukan sasaran untuk melampiaskan MurkaNya. Karena Dosa Dunia ini telah melanggar/melawan kebenaranNya yang sempurna. Penumpahan darah Yesus mengalihkan "pukulan" Tangan Allah dari kita, dan Yesus membayar hutang-hutang tuntutan keadilan Allah terhadap dosa-dosa kita.

Ketika Yesus naik ke surga, Ia memercikkan darahNya ke atas semua benda yang ada di sana. Buku yang memuat semua catatan kejahatan kita, kegagalan dan kesalahan kita, ditambah lagi ketidakmampuan kita untuk melakukan kehendakNya, buku itu juga telah diperciki.

Buku yang berisi perjanjian lama mencantumkan semua tuntutan Allah, tetapi dalam buku yang baru ini Dia memasukkan hukum-hukumNya ke dalam hati kita. Kini bukan lagi “JANGANLAH” tetapi “AKU MENGHENDAKI”. Kebenaran indah ini yang dibawa oleh Gabriel terkait dengan pengorbanan Yesus yang sempurna dan lengkap, bukan pergumulan kita dengan masalah sehari-hari.

Banyak orang percaya tahu bahwa surat hutang mereka dengan Allah diselesaikan, tetapi mereka mengkhawatirkan persoalan antara manusia dengan manusia. Gabriel mengatakan bahwa Allah juga telah menghapuskan hal-hal itu dari bukuNya.

Dalam perjanjian pertama, Ia berkata bahwa Ia akan mengingat semua dosa dan kesalahan. Dalam perjanjian yang kedua, Ia berkata bahwa Ia tidak akan mengingatnya lagi, karena semuanya telah ditutupi oleh Darah Yesus. Dia telah merasakan kematian buat setiap pria dan wanita, untuk membebaskan mereka dari Perbudakan dan Hukuman DOSA (Ibrani 2:9).

Banyak orang menganggap Darah Yesus tidak berarti. Bahkan ada yang mengatakan bahwa darah itu yang dicurahkan pada saat penyaliban, pengaruhnya tidak lebih besar daripada ketika darah itu masih mengalir dalam tubuhNya ketika Ia masih hidup. Tetapi Allah berfirman bahwa Darah Yesus sedemikian pentingnya, sehingga tidak ada setetespun yang terbuang dengan sia-sia. Hanya Darah-Nya itulah yang disebut sebagai DARAH YANG TIDAK DAPAT BINASA. Inilah rencana Allah. Dalam Ibrani 12:24 (FAYH):[dan kepada Yesus sendiri, yang sudah membawa perjanjian baru yang menakjubkan kepada kita; dan kepada darah yang dipercikkan, yang memberikan anugerah pengampunan, bukan seperti darah Habel yang menjerit menuntut balas.] Penulis menyatakan bahwa inilah Darah yang menutupi dosa. DARAH YANG KEKAL, DARAH YESUS TELAH MENGAMBIL ALIH.

Mengenal Allah adalah Kebahagiaan Manusia

Kitab Yeremia

9:23	TUHAN berkata, "Orang arif tak boleh bangga karena kebijaksanaannya, orang kuat karena kekuatannya, dan orang kaya karena kekayaannya.
9:24	Siapa mau berbangga tentang sesuatu, haruslah berbangga bahwa ia mengenal dan mengerti Aku; bahwa ia tahu Aku mengasihi untuk selama-lamanya dan Aku menegakkan hukum serta keadilan di dunia. Semuanya itu menyenangkan hati-Ku. Aku, TUHAN, yang mengatakan itu."

(English)

23. Thus says the Lord: Let not the wise and skillful person glory and boast in his wisdom and skill; let not the mighty and powerful person glory and boast in his strength and power; let not the person who is rich [in physical gratification and earthly wealth] glory and boast in his [temporal satisfactions and earthly] riches;

24. But let him who glories glory in this: that he understands and knows Me [personally and practically, directly discerning and recognizing My character], that I am the Lord, Who practices loving-kindness, judgment, and righteousness in the earth, for in these things I delight, says the Lord.

Kitab Pengkhotbah

12:12	Lagipula, anakku, waspadalah! Membuat banyak buku tak akan ada akhirnya, dan banyak belajar melelahkan badan.
12:13	Akhir kata dari segala yang didengar ialah: takutlah akan Allah dan berpeganglah pada perintah-perintah-Nya, karena ini adalah kewajiban setiap orang.
12:14	Karena Allah akan membawa setiap perbuatan ke pengadilan yang berlaku atas segala sesuatu yang tersembunyi, entah itu baik, entah itu jahat.

(English)

12. But about going further [than the words given by one Shepherd], my son, be warned. Of making many books there is no end [so do not believe everything you read], and much study is a weariness of the flesh.

13. All has been heard; the end of the matter is: Fear God [revere and worship Him, knowing that He is] and keep His commandments, for this is the whole of man [the full, original purpose of his creation, the object of God's providence, the root of character, the foundation of all happiness, the adjustment to all inharmonious circumstances and conditions under the sun] and the whole [duty] for every man.

14. For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it is good or evil.

Kitab Yesaya

48:17	Beginilah firman TUHAN, Penebusmu, Yang Mahakudus, Allah Israel: "Akulah TUHAN, Allahmu, yang mengajar engkau tentang apa yang memberi faedah, yang menuntun engkau di jalan yang harus kautempuh.
48:18	Sekiranya engkau memperhatikan perintah-perintah-Ku, maka damai sejahteramu akan seperti sungai yang tidak pernah kering, dan kebahagiaanmu akan terus berlimpah seperti gelombang-gelombang laut yang tidak pernah berhenti,
48:19	maka keturunanmu akan seperti pasir dan anak cucumu seperti kersik banyaknya; nama mereka tidak akan dilenyapkan atau ditiadakan dari hadapan-Ku."

(English)

17. Thus says the Lord, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: I am the Lord your God, Who teaches you to profit, Who leads you in the way that you should go.

18. Oh, that you had hearkened to My commandments! Then your peace and prosperity would have been like a flowing river, and your righteousness [the holiness and purity of the nation] like the [abundant] waves of the sea.

19. Your offspring would have been like the sand, and your descendants like the offspring of the sea; their name would not be cut off or destroyed from before Me.

Kitab Keluaran

34:5	Turunlah TUHAN dalam awan, lalu berdiri di sana dekat Musa serta menyerukan nama TUHAN.
34:6	Berjalanlah TUHAN lewat dari depannya dan berseru: "TUHAN, TUHAN, Allah penyayang dan pengasih, panjang sabar, berlimpah kasih-Nya dan setia-Nya,
34:7	yang meneguhkan kasih setia-Nya kepada beribu-ribu orang, yang mengampuni kesalahan, pelanggaran dan dosa; tetapi tidaklah sekali-kali membebaskan orang yang bersalah dari hukuman, yang membalaskan kesalahan bapa kepada anak-anaknya dan cucunya, kepada keturunan yang ketiga dan keempat."

(English)

5. And the Lord descended in the cloud and stood with him there and proclaimed the name of the Lord.

6. And the Lord passed by before him, and proclaimed, The Lord! the Lord! a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abundant in loving-kindness and truth,

7. Keeping mercy and loving-kindness for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but Who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children's children, to the third and fourth generation.

Kitab Yeremia

Yer. 29:11 Sebab Aku ini mengetahui rancangan-rancangan apa yang ada pada-Ku mengenai kamu, demikianlah firman TUHAN, yaitu rancangan damai sejahtera dan bukan rancangan kecelakaan, untuk memberikan kepadamu hari depan yang penuh harapan.

(English)

11. For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.

"MANDAU TERBANG DAN GUCI TERBANG" (Kuasa iblis dari Kalimantan), DIKALAHKAN OLEH KUASA NAMA YESUS, SATU KAMPUNG MASUK KRISTEN (Kesaksian Daud Tony)

Saya punya pengalaman bersama rombongan penginjilan saya di Kalimantan Barat, sebelum kerusuhan yang berbau agama. Tuhan mengutus saya ke suatu daerah, namanya Sendani, Senapit, dan ada daerah bernama Sungkung Atas. Di situ orang bisa masuk tetapi tidak bisa keluar lagi. Angker.

Pada waktu itu saya diutus Tuhan di Kalimantan Barat, dan masuk ke suatu pedalaman. Waktu saya masuk, langsung disambut dengan ... MANDAU TERBANG, bukan minuman “selamat datang”. Saya berkomentar singkat,”Ini mainan saya sejak kecil.” Sampai mereka menganga dan melongo,”Haaaahh….?”

“Dalam Nama YESUS, jatuh!” Mandau_nya jatuh.

Kalau orang biasa, hasilnya adalah kepala putus. Mungkin bisa menjadi cendera mata untuk dijual ke turis asing. Tetapi kalu kita percaya Yesus, yang biasa menjadi luar biasa. Amin. Tidak mau kalah, kali ini dikirim GUCI-GUCI TERBANG tanpa alamat pengirim. Surat kaleng ala Kalimantan. Saya menguatkan hati rombongan,”Kecil itu, Pak. Sejak kecil, itu mainan saya.”

“Hah? Anda ini siapa?”

“Saya dulu terkenal di Jawa Tengah, dukun sejak anak kecil, tapi bertobat gara-gara ‘mantera’ Haleluya.”

“Haleluya,” gucinya menghilang kembali jadi saya tidak bisa bawa pulang sebagai oleh-oleh. “Dalam Nama YESUS, semua santet aku tolak!” Akhirnya, kepala adatnya yang datang. Tidak terbang seperti mandau atau guci, tetapi jalan kaki, mengajak bertarung.

“Oke, silahkan.” Saya berdoa,”Tuhan, Engkau tahu, aku ada disini bukan atas kehendakku tapi Engkau yang utus. Biar Engkau sendiri yang menjamah dia, silahkan Kau jitak saja sebentar.”

Ternyata, betul! Saya menumpangkan tangan dan berseru,”Haleluya.” Tidak tahu apa yang terjadi, tiba-tiba ia jatuh terbanting sambil memegang kepalanya. Wah, betul-betul dijitak Tuhan, saya berseru kagum dalam hati. Apa yang terjadi? SATU KAMPUNG BERTOBAT SEMUA. Melihat kepala adatnya bertobat dan percaya kepada Yesus, satu kampung bertobat. BERI KEMULIAAN KEPADA TUHAN!